Moments of awareness. The experience? Like a veil lifted, the missing puzzle piece, found. The penny- dropped. How? Is it a book we read? The outcome of a dedicated practice - be it meditation, yoga. A song we hear? Self work- through therapy or journaling? A sudden moment of razor sharp clarity which cuts through the sticky, gluppy fog.
Suddenly I can see, everything makes sense.
Is this enough? Is my work here done?
In my experience- the moment of awareness can be profound, it can weaken your knees and leave you stunned. To open yourself to receive this awareness takes courage, because it hurts and can throw into question your entire reality. The apples are rolling across the floor.
I had thought- this is enough. I can rest here now.
Wrong.
Old habits, thoughts, ways of being, ways of relating and ways of behaving persisted. How so? I am aware of them now. I felt more trapped because now I was aware of my dysfunctional ways. My conscience rose within me whilst simultaneously I acted out as I had always done. I felt paralysed. I was angry. I was angry with myself and angry for knowing what needed to be done. I think it was easier when I wasn't so aware, there was a comfort in my own self ignorance.
Ahaa
The next phase
Action. This may seem obvious, but it wasn't to me.
In order for me to move past my dysfunctions and honor my awareness I must act.
I must act differently I must do differently, I must challenge my dysfunctional ways ways of being, ways of relating and ways of behaving. This, in my experience, is a slow and often painful process- often feeling like one step forward, ten back. How we do this? I think we can find our own way, or perhaps multitude of ways...Journaling, therapy, self help books, fellowship groups, a supportive network, meditation...the list goes on. A different day, a different approach perhaps. The greatest key for me has been patience, persistence and compassion with myself. It takes courage to challenge our old ways and the disruption it creates in our life and relationships can be wrenching. It can be easy to fall into the self flagellation trap. Be kind to yourself my friends. Recognize the progress however small and trust that with your patience and persistence, change will happen. Old sayings - often sound cliche, Ill forgive myseff for saying, Rome was not built in a day.
Suddenly I can see, everything makes sense.
Is this enough? Is my work here done?
In my experience- the moment of awareness can be profound, it can weaken your knees and leave you stunned. To open yourself to receive this awareness takes courage, because it hurts and can throw into question your entire reality. The apples are rolling across the floor.
I had thought- this is enough. I can rest here now.
Wrong.
Old habits, thoughts, ways of being, ways of relating and ways of behaving persisted. How so? I am aware of them now. I felt more trapped because now I was aware of my dysfunctional ways. My conscience rose within me whilst simultaneously I acted out as I had always done. I felt paralysed. I was angry. I was angry with myself and angry for knowing what needed to be done. I think it was easier when I wasn't so aware, there was a comfort in my own self ignorance.
Ahaa
The next phase
Action. This may seem obvious, but it wasn't to me.
In order for me to move past my dysfunctions and honor my awareness I must act.
I must act differently I must do differently, I must challenge my dysfunctional ways ways of being, ways of relating and ways of behaving. This, in my experience, is a slow and often painful process- often feeling like one step forward, ten back. How we do this? I think we can find our own way, or perhaps multitude of ways...Journaling, therapy, self help books, fellowship groups, a supportive network, meditation...the list goes on. A different day, a different approach perhaps. The greatest key for me has been patience, persistence and compassion with myself. It takes courage to challenge our old ways and the disruption it creates in our life and relationships can be wrenching. It can be easy to fall into the self flagellation trap. Be kind to yourself my friends. Recognize the progress however small and trust that with your patience and persistence, change will happen. Old sayings - often sound cliche, Ill forgive myseff for saying, Rome was not built in a day.
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